Good news for the French, they’ve been recognised as the most technologically advanced country in the world.  There’s a good reason for this, the French are the only people using ordinateurs, whereas the rest of the world has to make do with computers. These are strange machines that look like ordinateurs, smell and behave like ordinateurs but are not really ordinateurs. In fact they are just computers, how banal…

The word “ordinateur” is probably the French nation’s most staunch linguistic resistance against a whole wave of barbarian vocabulary that has threatened to illegally engulf Gaulle since the era of the global digital economy emerged.

There is little chance that France will remain the quiet country summed up by the quixotic term “arrosage”; this conjures up the smells of grass and rivers, but unfortunately this pastoral idyll has been swept away by a flood of spam and phishing, so perhaps another floral image, “hammeçonnage”, is more apt.

The French can no longer go for a sunny Sunday “itinerance” and settle under the shadows of the trees to whisper sweet nothings into their ordiphones. Sadly the foreign term “roaming” has imposed itself indelibly on the French language instead and it looks like it’s there to stay.

I’m sure few of us can fail to remember the utter failure of the Bitoubi and bitoussi love story? They were buried by TLA and the diktat of B2B and B2C was imposed in their place, these foreign upstarts now buzz arrogantly around le tout-Paris, leaving only the country bees to bourdonne in peace…

Will the French fall in love again with the language of web 2.0 as the best way to describe the digital world? I’m not sure... However, to all those millions of people who have never sent a Système de Message  Court - that’s your problem! In fact, it is just words, and now enough talking, it’s time to go for a nice (face)bouffe!

Francois